The Angry Pirate

The angry pirate’s words of wisdom for today are, “I hope you die!!!”

Invisible Robot

I once had an invisible robot that disappeared.

My Homework

One day my dog ate my homework, and then my cat ate my dog. Try explaining that to your teacher.

Knife

Never accept a knife as a gift from someone, you never know if they used it in a crime or not. How do you think I got my son sent to jail.

Elevator Doors

I read an article about a man getting decapitated by an elevator door. Why would someone try and hold the doors open with their head, I could understand using someone else’s head, but why your own. That just crazy.

When I Pee

My doctor informed me that when I pee, blood shouldn’t come out. I guess drinking all that acid wasn’t a good idea.

Imaginary Friends

I used to have imaginary friends, but they weren’t imaginary and they weren’t friends.

Diapers

There is nothing to be afraid of, except being dress up in diapers and forced feed a bottle.

Father Angry

Once my father got so angry that smoke came out of his ears. Well maybe the smoke was from the fire it put him in, but he was really angry. I could tell by the look on his face before it melted away.

My Best Friend

I love my robot, he’s my best friend. Especially when he’s not chasing me around with a knife.