What the hell is wrong with you guys when you use the public bathroom? I don’t think you’re supposed to use the floor as the urinal. The floor is for walking on not peeing on. It’s like you open the stall’s door and open fire. I bet some of you guy just open the bathroom door and play some kind of game like, “Off the mirror, off the sink, nothing but floor.”
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This is for the little children who are reading this right now (and if you are your parents should be shot for letting you even look at this). If you find yourself bored and you want to do something fun well then here is a game you can play with the whole family. What you do is go to the kitchen and take out the biggest knife you can find. Then start running around your house screaming at the top of your lungs. When somebody tries to stop you, swing the knife at them and say, “Come any closer and I’ll cut you,” while laughing dementedly. The real fun starts when the police try and stop you.
Do you know the best way to tell if your child is a problem child? If one day your child comes running into the house, slamming the door behind them, and says, “Hide my shoes, burn my clothes, the cops are coming.” You have a problem child.
I remember trying to take care of some of my nephews when they were little. The only thing I did all day was run around the house after them, yelling at the top of my lungs, “Don’t break that, put that down and don’t jump out the window, oh crap, I give up. Have fun.”
I think I know why people have kids, it’s not “I want to be an immortal crap.” It’s the fact that you can make your kids what you want. If you loose your remote control your kid becomes one. If you need to clean the bathroom, your kid becomes a housemaid. Finally, if you ever need money you can always sell your kid. Like a famous crack mother said, “My kid is worth a pound of crack.”
Children are like pet that outlive you. They also have the special ability of making you go bankrupt, insane, lose your hair, become fat and be exhausted even when you wake up.
Why is sex so important? It causes nothing but pain. Yes 5 to 10 minutes of fun, but eventual pain. Let me explain.
1) If you have sex there is a chance of having kids. Now you have to get into the whole thing about abortion or raising the kid. a) raising a kid: 12 years of annoyance, 6 years of attitude, 30 years of being ignored, and then you die b) abortion: I'm not getting into that.
2) Too much talking, listening, cuddling, etc.. afterwards. I mean for the 1st few times yeah it's fun but come on. A lifetime of that just for the 5 to 10 minute of fluid swapping.
3) I have no idea what I'm talking about.
I never had sex before. I’m waiting until I get married, so I need some advice. On my wedding night, in the hotel room, is it okay to ask my wife to stick things up my butt. Like pencils, pens or clocks?
What so great about marriage? So what if you have someone who will love you as much as they can, always be there for you when you need them the most, comfort you when something dreadful happens, take care for you when your sick and cuddle with you just because you’re you. Who needs that crap? I’m sorry but I like my lonely and depressing life. I mean it’s fun sticking my head in an oven every single night because of that hollow existence I lead.
