Archive for January, 2007

My First Computer

January 26, 2007

I remember when I broke my first computer. I was so scared to tell my father that I tried to fix it myself. Glue, duct tape, hammer and nails really don’t help.

Bald People

January 24, 2007

Bald people make me laugh because I have hair and they don’t.

Fancy Deli

January 24, 2007

I went to a fancy deli one day to buy some rare cheese and the guy behind the counter wouldn’t sell me any. He said, “You don’t look like a person who knows what to do with this kind of cheese.” What audacity this man had, all I wanted to do was warm the cheese up and then shove it up my butt.

Should I Feel Bad

January 23, 2007

Should I feel bad that I was happy when my parents died, and I threw a party and I took a crap on their graves?

Stalker?

January 20, 2007

Not A Stalker - When they write you a poem.

Stalker - When they write you a poem that mostly uses the words watching, die, death, and masturbating.

I Could Be A Doctor

January 19, 2007

I could be a doctor. All I have to do is once in a blue moon visit my patients, attack them with a needle and tell them everything is going to be okay when they’re actually dying.

Loveless Marriage

January 17, 2007

It’s great being in a loveless marriage. You don’t worry when your wife comes home late or never shows up at all.

E.R

January 12, 2007

Because of my trip to the E.R, if I’m ever at a party and the conversation, “have you ever had someone put their finger up your anus,” comes up I can honestly say, “Yes I have.”

Sorry For Not Updating.

January 11, 2007

Sorry I haven’t been updating.  I was in the hospital for a couple of days.  I will start updating today or tomorrow depending on how I feel.  But don’t worry, the insanity will continue.

Stalker?

January 4, 2007

Not A Stalker - When they treat you nice.

Stalker - When they treat you nicely while tying you down to a chair.