I remember once in high school, when I was taking a test, I had a diarrhea attack. I quickly got up and ran to the bathroom. I opened the stall to find out the toilet was missing. Who would steal a public toilet, especially a high school toilet? Have you seen how filthy they are? It’s not like someone saw it and said, “Oh my! That toilet is beautiful. I love the way that crap is smeared all over it. I must have it for myself.”
My doctor prescribed me some medication to treat one of my illnesses and an adrenaline shot. I asked him, “Why do I need adrenaline?”
He said, “Just in case your heart stops.”
“Why would my heart stop?”
“You know, from the side effects.”
“Okay.” I went out and got the drugs. When I got home I took the pills. I waited all day and nothing happened. The next day I took some more pills, and nothing. On the third day when I took my medication my heart did stop and the only thing that went through my mind was, “Crap, I wish I didn’t give all the adrenaline to my pet penguin. But it was pretty cool watching him fly away and then explode.”
I remember when I was going to get an arranged marriage. I made an appointment to meet one of my prospect wives at a restaurant. When I saw her at the restaurant the only thing that went through my mind was, “Wow, she’s smoking hot!” I sat across from her and started to talk about myself until she said, “could you wait a second.” She then pulled a bag out of her purse and put it over my head. “That’s better, now I don’t feel like throwing up. You may continue.”
My father has a very bad temper. I mean anything can set him off. If he’s not eating his favorite food he gets angry, if he’s sitting the wrong way he gets angry, if he’s breathing he gets angry. One day I wanted to see how angry I could get him so when he was sitting down watching T.V I slapped him across the face as hard as possible and ran down the hallway, into my room. I locked the door and pushed a chair up against it. I waited, under my bed, for a few minutes and heard nothing. No screaming, no cursing, no banging on the door, no glass breaking, no “I’m gonna kill you all,” no car ramming the garage, no fire, no throwing the T.V threw the window, absolutely nothing.
I removed the chair and open the door little by little to see if he was there. Nothing, the hallway was empty. I slowly walked down to the living room and peeked in. He was sitting in his chair crying. I went over to him and he looked at me with tears running down his face. He put his hand on my shoulder and said in a very sincere way, “I got you.”
The beating I received that day was epic. When I finally woke up in the hospital I was missing my teeth and ears.
If you ever get into a fistfight with a molester or pedophile don’t worry about them punching you, worry if they grab you. Remember, bruises can heal but feeling violated can last a lifetime.
I remember once at school I was reading this book and it was a total nightmare. The book didn’t make any sense, it was hard to read and it was poorly written. I was about to give up on it until I realized I was reading it upside down.
I remember once I was having a hard time eating steak. I used my hands to help my mouth chew it, but after a broken jaw, a broken nose, a black eye, and a slight concussion I stopped eating steak.
Whenever I fall asleep on the train and then wake up, everybody is always standing far away from me. I never understood why until I decided to record myself asleep. The next morning I played the tape and it showed me talking in my sleep. I said some crazy things like I drink babies’ blood, I also farted loudly a few time and by the look on my face it didn’t smell too good. I also urinated on myself a few times.
Never use medicine just because it sounds like another medicine that can help. For example, once my eyes were red so I looked all around for some Visine but I couldn’t find any. But I did find some Vaseline and since their names are similar, I figured they would work the same. They don’t, I guess that’s why I went blind.
Not A Stalker - When they want to go to a drive-in with you.
Stalker - When they hide in your trunk while your at a drive-in.
