My Pet Cabbage

My pet cabbage thinks he’s so smart, he can’t even speak two languages. That’s why I don’t feel so bad using him as salad.

Flying Penguins

The reason why penguins don’t fly is because they don’t know how to land. I tested this out by shooting them out of a cannon, but they usually explode because of all the gunpowder I use so I really don’t have any hard evidence.

My Friend The Bear

I was roaming around a forest once when I ran into a bear that was crying. I asked him, “Why are you crying?”

He said, “All of my friends make fun of me because I don’t like eating meat”

I then shot the bear to death and took his body back home with me. I mounted his head on my wall and said, “There, now you don’t have to worry about being made fun of.”

My Blood

I tried to donate 18 litters of blood but they wouldn’t take it because most of it wasn’t mine or human.

Who Will Win

Who do you think will win, King Kong Vs. Statue Of Liberty? My bets on Lady liberty because she has fire.

True New Yorker

You’re not a true New Yorker unless you kill and eat your first rat and pigeon, or the other way around.

Bird

I was walking in a park one day when a bird crapped on me. I got so angry that I decided to climb the tree and crap in its’ nest. When I got up there I saw it had a few baby birds which made think twice about defecating its’ nest. To bad the branch broke, killing us all.

Vegetarians

I was at a restaurant once and these vegetarians were trying to stop me from eating my meat. I mean, can’t I enjoy consuming a live rabbit just one time.

Feeding Some Birds

I was feeding some birds one day and I wanted to run through them like I used to when I was a kid. I guess I ran a little too fast because I stepped on most of them, especially the ones caught in my net.

Wanted To Fly

Once I wanted to fly so I built a plane and attached a whole bunch of pigeons to it. I still think it would have worked if the pigeons didn’t keep bleeding to death from the nails I hammered through them to keep them on the plane.