I know I’m late

I know I haven’t updated my blog in a long time, I’ve been busy and I haven’t had any funny things to say. Once my brain kicks in I’ll probably start writing again. Until next time.

The reason why I wasn’t updating my blog

I know, I know I wasn’t updating my blog too much. The reason why is that I was creating a web site, cute-kittens.com, for a web firm.

My Daughter

Every time I look at my daughter I say to myself, “Crap, one day she’s going to let a man stick his penis in her mouth.”

Dress Like A Bum

My college asked me once why I always dressed like a bum.

“Well, when I kill myself I don’t want to get blood all over my nice clothes.”

I’m Still around

Don’t worry all I’m still around. I’m just trying to think of some good stuff to write and also I’ve been a little tied up. I’m trying that exercise p90x and it’s taking up a lot of my time.

I’m Back

I’m Back, well not really.  My writing started to become way to generic so I need to come up with some material before I start again, but have no fear I will start writing again.

I took a time out

I took a time out this week.  I’ll starting writing again beginning next week (9/10/2007).

Sorry For Not Updating.

Sorry I haven’t been updating.  I was in the hospital for a couple of days.  I will start updating today or tomorrow depending on how I feel.  But don’t worry, the insanity will continue.

I Will Post Again.

I’m sorry I haven’t posted in a while but I’ve been having a lot of problems with my internet connections.  It actually took me a couple of hours to try and post this.  Hopefully my ISP will get my connection fixed in a couple of days and then I would be able to posted some more stuff.  See you soon, unless I get arrested.

Superheroes

I was walking down this street one day minding my own business when all of a sudden this black van pulled up next to me. These three guys in mask came out of the van and grabbed me. They put something over my mouth and I passed out.

I slowly came too and tried to stand but I realized I was sitting in a chair with my hands tied behind my back. There was also a hood over my head so I couldn’t really see. Out of nowhere I heard someone say, “I think he’s awake.”

“Then pull the hood off of him,” another voice said.

The hood came off quickly and the bright light in the room blinded me. Slowly my vision was able to adjust and I could see where I was and who was with me. The room was circular and it looked like it came out of an aristocrat house from the 17^th century. There were paintings with gold rims all over the wall, lavish chairs, tables and tapestries.

People wearing robes and hoods surrounded the room forming a circle around me. I couldn’t tell if they were men or women because their hoods made it hard to see their faces. “I hope the ride was comfortable,” one of the robe people said as he came around and sat in the chair in front of me.

I could tell he was a man from his voice, “What, what’s happening? Why am I here?” I said still groggily.

“Don’t be alarmed,” said the hooded man, “you are among friends.” He gestured his hand at one of the people behind me and they cut my hands free. “Let me explain, my name is Kcan and we brought you here to join us.”

“Wait, I did that group sex thing once and it’s not it’s cracked up to be,” I said.

“No, that’s not what I want. We are an elite group of superheroes called the Order and we want you to join us. Our numbers are quickly diminishing and we need your help,” Kcan said.

“No, way. There’s no such thing as superheroes,” I said in disbelief.

“Yes we are. We have special powers and fight crime,” he said a little annoyed.

“Yeah, well prove it then. Let see your super powers.”

Kcan got up, took me to the window and opened it. I looked out it and it seemed we were about thirty stories high. He pointed to one of the hooded person and said Bbag show him you power”. Bbag made his way to the window and got up on the window ledge. Kcan then said, “we have the ability to fly,” and he pushed Bbag out the window. Bbag fell to his death screaming.

“What the hell was that!” I said in shock. “You just killed him.”

“Didn’t you see him fly?”

“No, I just saw him fall to his death!” I said.

“He’s not dead”, Kcan said as he walked away from the window.

“When a person hits the ground at about 100 miles per hour and doesn’t move, it’s a pretty good sign he’s dead,” I said still looking out the window

“We are also bullet proof,” Kcan said as he took out a gun from under his robe.

“You’re not even listening to me,” I said as I turned around and saw what Kcan was holding. “What the hell are you going to do with that?”

“Bang!” Kcan shot on of the hooded men in the face, twice. The hooded man slowly fell to the floor.

“You just killed someone else!”

“He’s okay,” Kcan said as he walked over to his chair and sat down.

“What! His brains are on the wall and his body is on the floor! You’re insane!” I said in a panic.

“Now we need to brand you with our sign of brother hood to make it official,” Kcan said as he motioned some of the hooded people to pull back a curtain. They did and behind it was a very big machine.

“Where the hell are you supposed to brand me?” I said while looking at this big machine.

“On your buttocks of course.”

“Where’s is that pole supposed to go?”

“Why, in your rectum, to hold you still,” Kcan said.

They turned on the machine and the pole in the middle started to vibrate so hard that the concrete the machine was attached to started to crack.

“You people are crazy. I’m not going to be raped by some machine!” I started to run towards the door. Some of the hooded people got in my why but I was able to push them down very easily, to my amazement.

As I ran out the door all I heard Kcan say, “You can’t run from us. We’re also are super fast!”