When I Graduated College

I remember when I graduated college and got my diploma. I was so happy and filled with a sense of accomplishment until I realized how much money I owed. I was promptly filled with fear, anxiety, anger, depression, hopelessness until I was hit by a car and was filled with pain, anguish, suffering, misery until I was taking to the hospital where they gave me a lot of dugs. I was in a state of peace, tranquility, harmony, and serenity until they gave me the hospital bill and I quickly became vulgar, crude, hateful, and intolerable.

Diploma Usage

The only thing a diploma is good for is when you’re in your cold alleyway, sitting in a cardboard box, making a rat sandwich, because all the loans you took out came a calling, you take your dam diploma set it on fire and use it as kindle.  That’s what a diploma is made for.  Also it’s a good source of nutrition.

Diploma Warranty

There should be a warranty connected with your diploma. Why don’t colleges have a disclaimer in their admissions manual, “If you don’t get a job in 60 days, you get your money back. Just take your diploma down to your school and say ‘this thing is defective I want my money back.’” Don’t leave until you get your money or when they call the police, whatever comes first.