You should never hit a woman, unless the following scenarios occur:
1) She swings an ax into your head
2) She sets you crouch on fire
3) She doesn’t do the laundry.

Fight

If you ever get into a fight never stick your arms straight up in the air and walk slowly towards your attacker. That technique never works.

Elevator Doors

I read an article about a man getting decapitated by an elevator door. Why would someone try and hold the doors open with their head, I could understand using someone else’s head, but why your own. That just crazy.

No Crotch Biting.

Once me and my friend was about to get into a fistfight with one another, but before we started we laid down some ground rules. No poking the eyes, pulling the ears and definitely no crotch biting. Of course I won the fight because I do have 37 years of martial arts experience and I bit his crotch.

Molester Or Pedophile

If you ever get into a fistfight with a molester or pedophile don’t worry about them punching you, worry if they grab you. Remember, bruises can heal but feeling violated can last a lifetime.

Help Is On The Way

The flight or fight response can save your life but lets examine how my response would come in handy.  When I faint, I won’t be scared at what ever is terrifying me.  When I pee on myself, it might make whatever is attacking me take pity and leave me alone.  Finally, when I take a dump on myself I’ll have a handy weapon.  

Run Away

            When somebody gets really scared his or her usual response is fight or flight. Meaning, they either run away or fight what ever is scaring them.  I, on the other hand, don’t response that way.  I pee, faint, and take a dump on myself, not necessarily in that order.