Diabetic

Being a diabetic, I tried to kill myself by eating lots of candy, but it was so good I didn’t want to die anymore. I was actually happy until a piece of candy got stuck in my throat, killing me.

Addicted To Coffee

I’m not addicted to coffee, I’m addicted to the LSD I put in my coffee.

Fancy Deli

I went to a fancy deli one day to buy some rare cheese and the guy behind the counter wouldn’t sell me any. He said, “You don’t look like a person who knows what to do with this kind of cheese.” What audacity this man had, all I wanted to do was warm the cheese up and then shove it up my butt.

Tapeworm

I eat so much junk food my tapeworm has diabetes.

Reasonable Names For Junk Food

They should give more reasonable names for junk food.  Here are some suggestions; Heart attack, Stroke, High Blood Pressure and You’re Going to Die You Fat Bastard.

Junk Food

Why does junk foods have the weirdest name?  Yoo-hoo, Ding Dong, Yodels, Bon-bon and Elf’s love juice.  What, you never heard of elf’s love juice.  Why it’s a delicacy in some countries.  The Kebler Elf’s make it.