I know I haven’t updated my blog in a long time, I’ve been busy and I haven’t had any funny things to say. Once my brain kicks in I’ll probably start writing again. Until next time.

I remember once I tried to unscrew my arm but it didn’t work, I was using a flat head screw driver. Also, I passed out from the loss of blood.

I asked my father once, “Where do babies come from?”

He said, “From your mother’s vagina, like the syphilis she gave me.”

I’ve never been good at taking tests, especially drug tests. They always say I can’t bring my pee in a bucket. If they only knew how long it takes to fill up a 33-gallon bucket, they would give me a medal.

I remember when I used to put a pin on top of my alarm clock’s snooze button. The reason being is that when the alarm would go of and I hit the snooze button, the pain from the pin will really wake me up. But I forgot to tell my wife, you should have seen the look on her face when I smashed the alarm clock against her head when she didn’t make me breakfast on time.

Alzheimer is such a great disease because there is never old news.

You should never fall down escalators that are going up. You will never hit the bottom. You will just keep falling down and staying in one place. Unless a piece of you face gets stuck in one of the stairs and drags you back up.

I wonder why people call homosexuals “Gay”? They’re not gay, they’re just as miserable as the rest of us. They are more like “Deviants of society.”

I know, I know I wasn’t updating my blog too much. The reason why is that I was creating a web site, cute-kittens.com, for a web firm.

I remember once a new office opened up in another country and I wanted to go there so badly but they wouldn’t let me. I guess it was the questions about if there were any laws against under aged sex over there.